Intimacy
Intimacy in a relationship is what we all desire. If we open ourselves to love, then what might be the result? If we are in a true state of being, then our potential as creators is wildly expanded; the world suddenly opens, becoming beautiful.
Intimacy is also the state that is most feared by all of us because it is a reflection of our soul’s relationship with the Universe. Only the dissolution of the ego can lead us into a state of wholeness, yet we fear the loss of our individuality or our personality. We are afraid of feeling another person as much as we feel ourselves, and we fear letting go and moving into a state of greater happiness.
We are so afraid of happiness that we verbalize negativity most about those people we love the most because this sabotages the relationship, moving it into drama. We also save the very worst parts of ourselves (that we would never share with anyone else) for our loved ones in the hope that this person can love what we do not love about ourselves.
We are most critical of the same people, the ones we love most, because we don’t love ourselves enough. We should love them a great deal because the loved ones are volunteering to be a mirror of ourselves. The truth is that if we all loved ourselves enough, then we would be loved in all ways, always.
Our beliefs, limitations and fears about love will be revealed in a relationship. One rule of Tibetan Dream Yoga states that we will never fall in love with anyone who does not punch our buttons. Otherwise, we miss a tremendous learning experience, seeing ourselves in the mirror of someone else. This magical mirror can bring us into a state of true being if we learn how to use it.
THE DRAMA
Loving another human being is often associated with self-abandonment, loss and pain or another word: Drama. Many of us find it difficult to even contemplate love without pondering painful relationships or our childhoods. With these memories or holograms, we subconsciously recreate the dramas of our past by thinking that the other person does these things to us, thus enabling both our selves and the other person to move into drama or a victim role. No one is doing anything to you*. You are creating your experience all by yourself. The other actors have simply been pulled by the holograms or movies that play perpetually in your subconscious and are colored by your thoughts and feelings. The movie plays constantly because you replay the same thoughts and pictures in your mind continually.
There are three victim roles: the Victim, the Perpetrator, and the Hero. All three roles must be in any drama. The Victim is the person who is hurt. The Perpetrator inflicts the harm, and the Hero must save all. Recognizing how you play the roles is quite simple. When you are the Victim, you will tell the story of an injustice or what someone did to you. (If you believe that someone hurt you, then this is a victim role.) When you move into the role of Perpetrator, you will justify a harmful action toward another from your own victim perspective. (If you are justifying what you did to someone else, this is a perpetrator role.) When you are the Hero, you will fix everything, regardless of cost to self. (When you are exhausted, but everyone else benefits, then you are the Hero.)
You can create change by telling yourself, I am creating this. You can change your feelings by acknowledging your own wounded nature that has created unhappiness. By sending love and gratitude to this part of your self, it can actually be healed. A happy reality can be created by learning to move away from blame and the ego’s need for approval. You can also spend 5 minutes each day visualizing the relationship of your dreams (see relationship exercise http://www.onetrueself.com/tools.html).
*There are a few karmic exceptions. This explanation of drama is written as it applies to relationships in general.
39 Responses to “Intimacy”
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