Understanding drama can be powerful, and each of the three roles we assume in creating drama has a significant lesson about love. Every time we descend into drama, there is an opportunity to ascend to a place of higher love. We can clearly see the current role of drama and our reactions if we maintain awareness.

The Victim teaches us to give attention to ourselves instead of expecting it from others. The Perpetrator teaches us about our vulnerability and beliefs, about our inner anger and blame. The Hero teaches us not to discard the desires of our true self for the good of others, but to give from our hearts when we are moved by the Universe to do so.

We all experience each of these roles in similar, yet different ways. The three positions of drama offer us the opportunity to recognize our pain, patterns and beliefs. When we see ourselves more clearly, we have the opportunity to change.

Recognizing drama does not mean that it ends. It does mean that each time you experience it you will have more insights and that you will come closer to finding your underlying beliefs. Each dramatic episode shortens as you become more aware of your patterns and beliefs, and the time spent in “Being” lengthens.

Drama offers the chance to move more deeply into love or to move away from it. You can dance into a place of inner being or into the corner of your own darkness. This dance – if you choose greater love and forgiveness—leads into a higher paradigm of Being.

IDENTIFYING THE HERO STATE

Sacrificing heart felt desires for the good of others is the Hero’s theme. It begins when we encounter a difficulty in life. It may also be that we feel that the other person does not want to help her/himself. In other words, we usually have someone’s good at “ego” or heart when we become the hero.

When viewed energetically, we are giving away our energy to “fix” a victim or perpetrator. Usually the other person will improve briefly as a result of our energy give-away, but the situation will not change because of our intent – to give away our energy to appear needed. We may blame, like the perpetrator, for our sacrifice. Nevertheless, we move back into the Hero position — to receive acclaim and approval for aiding an undeserving person or difficult situation!

This occurs because the hero “loves” another person’s idealized image too much. Character flaws are overlooked because we believe that if we “love” the other person enough that s/he will change. We sublimate development of our gifts because we are lacking in love of self

Feeling superior and self-righteous is part of this drama. It is balanced by exhaustion, and feeling overwhelmed and burdened because we sacrifice time, energy and effort to correct our perception of a problem.

Ultimately, we feel that we are giving “something” that we do not want to give. A Hero state arises from thinking that we can make things “right” if we only try enough or give enough of ourselves away. Common thoughts, emotions and actions include:

*Overworking (If I work more, then everything will change)

*Not having time for rest, enjoyment or pleasure

*Exercising too much or not having time to exercise

*Feeling that you have more to do than you can ever accomplish

*Feeling exhausted or tense

*Feeling if the other person changed, then your life would be fine

*Making another person’s goals and life more important than your own

*Enabling other people and believing that if they changed, everything would work

VALUE OF THE HERO STATE

The value of the Hero state lies in understanding that whatever is sacrificed is of utmost importance to us. We would not be “sacrificing” it, if it were not important. We use the other person to sacrifice what we most desire, the part of our selves that most longs for expression.

The hero uses the other person exhaustively to accomplish his/her means. This means s/he is NOT listening to what his/her soul is prompting. The other person also becomes the hero’s measure of his/her superiority; the instrument of blame (look what I have given up for you), and his/her element of torture.

Enabling is a key word in the Hero position. By enabling the other person, the hero holds his/her position. Enabling another person is not as difficult as overcoming the limitations of the ego and pursuing our gifts. We “appear” to gain the most in the Hero’s position, not only culturally, but also through our justification of our actions.

Strong pictures of another person’s lack of abilities, strengths and performance are fabricated in our minds. When these feelings are materialized, we may act for the other person or do all of their work. Often, we will belittle the other person for not meeting our standards. We may resent the “unfairness” of our relationship, even stating that other person gets to do whatever s/he wants.

Hidden under these words is a strong desire to control. Control disguises several fears: if we grow into our abilities, then the other person will not want us, or we will not want them; if we do not enable the other person, then they will not need us; and if we change we may have to leave behind the all familiar past. Our desire to play hero is often a desire to avoid abandonment, separation and loss. There is very little to lose, other than ourselves, by staying in the hero’s patterns.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how much we give away to others – no matter how much approval we might receive – until we decide to develop our gifts and find the path of our heart, we will continue to search for our answers in others.

CHANGING HERO BEHAVIOR:

*Understand that no one wants to hear about how much you sacrifice

*No one truly wants you to sacrifice yourself..; it is painful for the other person and for you

*Everyone would like you more if you did what you really wanted to do; JUST BE YOUR SELF

*Understand that you are not doing this to be kind, generous or loving. You are doing it so that you don’t have to move forward in your life

*Understand that you make everyone pay for what you do for them; they have to “feel” your resentment, blame and anger, and then, you feel sorry for yourself

*It is not healthy to overwork or do too much for everyone else. This is being a martyr

*Make a list of what you know that you should do for you and MOVE ON

*Whenever you think that you are giving something up to help someone, you are enabling them. You are not allowing them to suffer enough to make the necessary change themselves! Understand that the Hero position is about receiving acclaim, approval and praise from others so that you don’t have to develop yourself!